My departure point is an old roman practice that went like this: Caesar had a man standing next to him throughout his reign, with one single purpose - to remind the ruler of his mortality.
Who does that for you in your role as leader? Who does that for our political leaders? Are they courageous to speak truth to power? How self-aware are we in the present?
From observation and work in my coaching and consulting practice and history, we know that the cleanest way for an organisation to bring you down is to let you bring yourself down. All too often leaders self-destruct or give others the ammunition with which to shoot them down.
Frequently people are defeated because, though they are doing their best (as their current level of awareness allows) they make mistakes in how they assess, and engage with their environment. But sometimes we bring ourselves down by forgetting to pay attention to ourselves. We get caught up in the cause and forget that exercising leadership is, at heart, a personal activity. The act of leadership challenges us intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically. We often fool ourselves - whilst on an adrenalin high - that we are physically and emotionally indestructible. I’m certain we all have our own stories or have observed this around us.
We are vulnerable to the hungers that drive us. Self-knowledge and self-discipline form the foundation of staying in awareness of who we essentially are.
In my practice, we are coaching toward a range of leadership tasks from defining strategy, building the container to get the work done, leading teams and teaching how to lead teams, setting the culture, creating the climate, managing difficult relationships/conflict resolution, convening the right dialogues and doing it well, team emotional intelligence, solving problems, diagnosing issues, developing people and aligning the organisation in all dimensions.
Seeing oneself clearly is both very hard and slow, if coaching speeds this up just somewhat, it saves much struggle, failure and resources.
My perspective and stance respects the uniqueness of each person. It recognises individual differences in temperament, interest, and coping styles:
Some leaders will be concerned with getting everything “right”.
Some will be drawn to power and control.
Some will be drawn to seek great personal recognition.
Some will be preoccupied with having warm, close relationships with others.
Thus, personality will give shape to their leadership style.
In coaching as in life, the challenge of narcissism is understanding this aspect of life and personality, without becoming overly judgemental or overly seduced.
We all have appetites, which are expressions of our normal human needs. But sometimes those appetites disrupt our capacity to act wisely or purposefully. Every human being needs some degree of power and control, affirmation and importance, as well as intimacy and joy. Yet each of these normal needs can get us into trouble when we lose the personal wisdom and discipline required to manage them productively and fulfil them appropriately in order not to slip out of control.
When you lead, you participate in collective emotions, which then generate a host of temptations: invitations to accrue power over others, appeal to your own sense of importance, opportunities for emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction. But connecting to those emotions are different from giving in to them. Yielding to them destroys your capacity to lead. Power can become an end in itself, displacing your attention to organisational purposes. An inflated sense of self-importance can breed self-deception and dysfunctional dependencies.
People grant you power because they expect you to provide them with a service. The higher the levels of distress, the greater are people’s hopes and expectations that you can provide deliverance. They may put too much faith in you. Dependence can readily turn into contempt as people discover your mortal failings. My question. Is this the current case of our South African condition?
Grandiosity sets you up for failure because it isolates you from reality. In particular, you forget the creative role that doubt plays in getting your organization or community to improve. In the words of Marty Linsky, my old professor at Harvard Business School, “doubt reveals the parts of reality that you missed. Once you lose your ability to doubt, you see only that which confirms your own competence.”
Human beings need intimacy. There’s no question that being the repository of people’s hopes can be arousing, and that this sometimes brings people to behave self-destructively in their sexual lives. Obviously the social cost may be different for men than for women. When people sometimes look at a man as someone special, it can inflate appetite as well as ego. So some men, in this needy state, end up engaging in sexual activity that crosses boundaries inappropriately, doing damage to themselves, their issues, and the workplace.
These dynamics will not change anytime soon. Temptations will continue to challenge our inner discipline and put our anchors to the test. We need to know better the sexual provocative nature of leadership and authority. |